"I Wear Too Much Mascara"

Submitted by [Anonymous]

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 XXXX to XXXX

Subject:: Epiphany. Thank You for the card.
show details Nov 29 (9 days ago)

XXXX,
Today was my birthday (thank you for the card, i liked that it sung), but today was not a good day. I realized as I sat alone at lunch that this is not a happy time in my life. I wear to much mascara. I talk about others behind their backs(sorry about the rumor that you fucked XXXX, i know now that he just fingered you, and sorry that you broke up) I have no love life. I know what you will say, that there is plenty of time for that. but, as i see it, there is no time. i dont want there to be time. i visited my grandmother earlier, i decided i would die before i got that old.

I know that in the past i have been a bad friend and lied to you about some relationships. i would like to clear some things up. I stole that bottle of vodka from your house, i am sorry. you might have known about park guy but i told you some lies. he was not boring. he was not a bad kisser. he was nice and sweet. he was also 19. i dont know what happened but i deleted his number. when ever he calls i ignore the calls. i wonder what power i have over him, sometimes i think i see him around but i am pretty sure i am just imagining it. i miss him. i wonder why i rejected him from my life sometimes... then i find the drugs in my parents rooms and i forget.

If you were wondering whatever happened to text boy, i met him. i met him and i fucked him and i loved him. and he left. he left me on the side of the road with a black eye, no, it wasnt from a tennis ball. it was from the punch of a drug addled male. i still answer his texts.

do you remember when you asked about my first kiss? i said i couldnt remember who it was. i do. i remember every second. he took me to the movies and he held me close. he let me sit in his lap and fall asleep on his shoulder. when he drove me home i made him stop the car, we didnt talk. he didnt want to use me. he wanted just to have a kiss. i kissed him. the things i have done before to feel loved had never fallen into the relm of kissing. he never wanted more. i love him and i still do. i sit up at night crying and asking where he went. where did he go? if you find him, please let me know. his eyes are gray. so gray.. i dont remember when he left. i want to know. i will stop wearing mascara for him. the lipstick will be gone as well.

well. i know that he is gone, if you come along a boy with gray eyes who is naive and not interested in just sex, please, send him my way. i will probably not remember this tomorrow.

yours ever so sorrily and truly,
xxx

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